Too bad humans didn’t survive long enough to discover the true origin of their universe. They would’ve found that, yes, a creator existed. But it might’ve been too much for them to learn that their creator was a seventh-grader named Reinhold.

He created the universe on a Tuesday morning. Reinhold sat in remedial nuclear physics class. He misread the experiment’s directions and caused a Microscopic Bang. The teacher extinguished it his classmates had a good laugh. It was the second most embarrassing moment of Reinhold’s life. What if humans had known their entire existence took place during third period? Would they have treated each other better? Or at least lightened up some?

Reinhold left the classroom and shuffled to his next class. There was an oral report due, and he was in danger of being held back a year. God knew his parents would be angry if that happened.


The most embarrassing day of Reinhold’s life occurred a few months before he created the universe. He’d tried to hold it in through the entire period, but he didn’t make it to the restroom in time. A splattering of galaxies spilled down his pants and into his shoes.

On that day, a janitor’s mop destroyed all of creation.

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