Fade in. A football player sits on a stool in a sparsely decorated room.
“Don ‘Beef’ Majerski here. As a former professional linebacker, I know pain.”
Cut to black-and-white in-game footage of crushing hits and tackles. Cut back to Don.
“But sometimes regular pain-relief products just don’t cut it.”
Cut to a hospital waiting room. Violins weep in the background. A doctor enters and mouths, “I’m sorry.” Beef Majerski hangs his head. His remaining family gives him a group hug.
Cut back to Beef in the sparse room.
“So whether it’s on the field, or in the other places there are, I reach for EtceterinTM.” He pulls out a syringe and injects himself. There is a twinge in his eyes, like the time he called an escort service and they sent his second ex-wife.
“Only EtceterinTM can handle the intangible aspects of pain. And I should know a thing or two about intangibles.”
Cut to a montage of the “Beefensive Line” making spectacular moves on the field, then to the joy of the coaches and other players.
Cut back to Don. He smiles, syringe still sticking out of his thigh.
Voiceover: “EtceterinTM. For miscellaneous pain.”