This is Hell. It must be.

Now, getting approved for a mortgage is as simple as tap, type, owe.

They see an attractive woman jogging. When friends ask if I’m really eating bread I say, Yer darn tootin’, it’s Gloot’n!

Then they see a father consoling his son. Hey champ, there’s always next year. And there’s always…

I’ve tried speaking. Ice-cold Popsi. I’ve tried to contact the viewers.

Gramps, Viagrow is now for everybody. The old man catches the teenager in the medicine cabinet. I am both of them.

I thought I’d never skateboard again!

My words…

That not-so-fresh failing…

…come out like that.

I’m in hell.

Are you tired of the same old?

I know Mindcloud has something to do with this. Every fifteenth ad is one of theirs.

Worried about what happens to your debt after you…

Why’d they make me aware?

…Bowl XCIX between Minnesota and Buffalo!

I’m being punished. I wasn’t a good consumer in life, so why should I expect a reward?

Digital backups at affordable rates. Guaranteed for an eon.

But I don’t even get to watch the shows.

Ruff! I gotta have my VegaDogs!

A fraction of a cent per spot. I should have this payed off after about 850 million ads.

Feel like there’s not enough time in each day?

48 an hour. Only two thousand years, with interest.

Digest-E-Qwick Chews, so you don’t have to.

That’s the price of eternal life.

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